Missing the Things That Matter

The main problem that most strategic relationships face is that they are failing when it comes to ‘Things That Matter’.

Things That Matter are the specific aspects of what constitutes value, i.e. anything and everything involved in achieving an outcome (whether making an improvement, overcoming an issue, or maintaining the status quo).

They are found in the complex subjective value “space” between the potentially competing “poles” of 1. order, structure and control, and 2. flexibility, creativity and autonomy.

Different “Kinds” of Things That Matter

Some Things That Matter will be towards-the-positive, e.g. “achieving competitive advantage”; some will be away-from-the-negative, e.g. “we need to manage this risk”; some will be neutral, driven by external factors, e.g. “the market requires that we’re ISO-accredited”.

Some Things That Matter will be long-term and fundamental; some will be time-dependent and situation-specific – they need addressing, but it is expected that things will move on.

Most of all, whilst some Things That Matter will be specific, objective and concrete, many – perhaps most – will be broad, subjective, and perceived.

People Aren’t Focused on the Things That Matter

When asked, most people will assume that it is the Things That Matter that define and guide their strategic relationships.

However, ask them what these things are, and at best they come up with vague answers, which are likely different from those their colleagues would give – much less their counterparts within the other party.

Why?  Because the contracts, processes and measures that dominate relationship management tend to focus on the tangible and objective.

After all, whilst subjective Things That Matter are emotionally important – often critical – it is hard to know what to do with them: it usually isn’t clear how to measure them, or what actions could be taken to address them.

Things That Matter Are Being Ignored

Therefore, even in the relatively rare cases where an attempt is made to express subjective Things That Matter – if not in the contract then often in an MOU or “behavioural charter” – they are:

• Typically very high-level: broad goals like “double sales within two years” or statements of corporate values that express a commitment to things like “integrity“, “respect“, “ambition“, etc… but with little to no detail of what they mean in practice.
• Mostly mentioned as aspirations: assertions of priorities, or of some things that need to happen, but with little or nothing to back them up.
• A source of frustration rather than inspiration, such that they are disregarded in practice.
• Lost in the “noise” of communication around more “tangible” goals and milestones.

Worse still, they are usually expressed exclusively by senior management, which means they are:

• Incomplete, as many key Things That Matter are ‘locked in’ to the minds of front-line staff who are closer to the end customer and to their relationship counterparts.
• Seen as imposed on the situation, rather than collectively “owned” having emerged from the experience of those involved in it.

More commonly, though, Things That Matter are simply left implicit and unstated.

This is a Disaster for Relationships

The result?  

The parties are not properly aligned with each other on the Things That Matter – at worst at odds with each other – with invisible and unresolved perception gaps that work against effectiveness, and differences in priorities or approach not discussed or managed.

Most of the most important aspects of the relationship are therefore not being addressed.

No wonder that the Symptoms of What’s Not Working soon follow.